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Mar. 11th, 2005 02:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kolOH GOD I WROTE A DEEDEE FANFIC SOMEONE SAVE ME.
Stretched Past the Breaking Point
She wondered what the breaking point would be.
The tapes he had given her featured women stretched and pulled and ripped, screaming at the man who had done this to them. Uncomfortable in the miracle, undeserving the gift being emerging from in their open womb, letting the pain overthrow the joy.
She smiled and was thankful for the miracle. Tiny brush of wet slid down the side of her chin, shivers cooling her skin despite the fever she felt exploding within.
Her eyes fell to her chest, where a tiny pool of red stained the paper gown, stretched as it strained to cover her swollen breasts. A new pain penetrated the haze before she recognized the red as blood, her ears drowning out the doctor’s screams-- the insides of her cheeks were caught in the clenched teeth she never remembered tensing. Raw, swollen, pain-- she had to push past it all.
Fighter.
Her eyes crushed closed, drawing what little remained of her strength to free her jaw. Her mouth sprang open, her pants desperate and raw. The tang of bitter iron filled her and was all she could smell. Her distended stomach rolled, but she fought to control herself even as another explosion within began.
All she knew was push.
Savior.
Hours, days, months-- it bled together, her body ashes from the consuming flames. Push. Pant. Repeat. Agony was too complex, just frantic push, an urge to pull and tear and scream too great to bear-- and then her body cried POP.
Silence.
One heartbeat, two-- blood rushed through her ears, her mind slowly counting dull rhythm, too exhausted for fear, too afraid for exhaustion.
The squawl was deafening, isolated, and the most beautiful sound she had ever heard.
Mother.
She collapsed against the damp bedding, gasping in joyous exhaustion. The strength in those last moments fled into the darkness, leaving only the dull ache in her mouth and the awful feeling of stretchness down there. She thanked the divinity she could not name, the fight pulled right out of her into the harsh brightness of the tiny London hospital.
Heavy ache pushed down her chest, a new weight crushing her lungs. Eyes fluttered open and Love.
Whispers of connection, of blood, of shared pain, of a sisterhood she had ached for without awareness of passed between those unseeing eyes and her own. Wrapped in pink, her dark Christmas Cherub with wings of red threaded gold whimpered against her heart.
DeeDee’s smile stretched the whole of England.
----
I HAVE OBVIOUSLY NEVER GIVEN BIRTH SO I HOPE I HAVE NOT SCREWED UP. BUT SERIOUSLY, I SAW A BIRTH VIDEO ONCE AND THERE WAS TOTALLY A LOUD POP. FULL FRONTAL BIRTHS HAVE TO BE THE NASTIEST AND MOST TOUCHING THINGS I HAVE EVER SEEN... EXCEPT FOR BABY GOATS BEING BORN. <3!! XD
She wondered what the breaking point would be.
The tapes he had given her featured women stretched and pulled and ripped, screaming at the man who had done this to them. Uncomfortable in the miracle, undeserving the gift being emerging from in their open womb, letting the pain overthrow the joy.
She smiled and was thankful for the miracle. Tiny brush of wet slid down the side of her chin, shivers cooling her skin despite the fever she felt exploding within.
Her eyes fell to her chest, where a tiny pool of red stained the paper gown, stretched as it strained to cover her swollen breasts. A new pain penetrated the haze before she recognized the red as blood, her ears drowning out the doctor’s screams-- the insides of her cheeks were caught in the clenched teeth she never remembered tensing. Raw, swollen, pain-- she had to push past it all.
Fighter.
Her eyes crushed closed, drawing what little remained of her strength to free her jaw. Her mouth sprang open, her pants desperate and raw. The tang of bitter iron filled her and was all she could smell. Her distended stomach rolled, but she fought to control herself even as another explosion within began.
All she knew was push.
Savior.
Hours, days, months-- it bled together, her body ashes from the consuming flames. Push. Pant. Repeat. Agony was too complex, just frantic push, an urge to pull and tear and scream too great to bear-- and then her body cried POP.
Silence.
One heartbeat, two-- blood rushed through her ears, her mind slowly counting dull rhythm, too exhausted for fear, too afraid for exhaustion.
The squawl was deafening, isolated, and the most beautiful sound she had ever heard.
Mother.
She collapsed against the damp bedding, gasping in joyous exhaustion. The strength in those last moments fled into the darkness, leaving only the dull ache in her mouth and the awful feeling of stretchness down there. She thanked the divinity she could not name, the fight pulled right out of her into the harsh brightness of the tiny London hospital.
Heavy ache pushed down her chest, a new weight crushing her lungs. Eyes fluttered open and Love.
Whispers of connection, of blood, of shared pain, of a sisterhood she had ached for without awareness of passed between those unseeing eyes and her own. Wrapped in pink, her dark Christmas Cherub with wings of red threaded gold whimpered against her heart.
DeeDee’s smile stretched the whole of England.
----
I HAVE OBVIOUSLY NEVER GIVEN BIRTH SO I HOPE I HAVE NOT SCREWED UP. BUT SERIOUSLY, I SAW A BIRTH VIDEO ONCE AND THERE WAS TOTALLY A LOUD POP. FULL FRONTAL BIRTHS HAVE TO BE THE NASTIEST AND MOST TOUCHING THINGS I HAVE EVER SEEN... EXCEPT FOR BABY GOATS BEING BORN. <3!! XD
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Date: 2005-03-11 11:03 am (UTC)I also loved she thanked the divinity she could not name. Your language is gorgeous.
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Date: 2005-03-11 12:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-11 02:48 pm (UTC)Not that I've actually gone through the pushing to give birth, but the fear/elation/relief/oneness is ALL there. Go you. ^___^
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Date: 2005-03-11 02:52 pm (UTC)