The Forsaken Hoax

[kol]

fandom: Kingdom
characters: Mara, Deon, others
prompt: Sage's unbirthday drabble: 'One challenges the other dare involving some terrible movie/book/show, something terrible on Twilight levels.' Also satisfies theKingdom100 & fanfic100 prompt of Hoax. :D

"I don't understand guys," Mara slumped against the bathroom vanity, wet rag pressed against her forehead. Beneath the ratty washcloth lay the swollen parting gift of a Daemon that got a little too close and personal the night before. The ice had long since melted, dribbles sliding down her flushed face, soiling her tissue thin top. But she was in no hurry to change, and the coolness was welcome against the unseasonable high temperatures.

Above her, Lynn snorted, but said nothing. Mara hadn't expected her cousin to; Lynn was finishing off the last of the LUSH mask Mara had picked up during her week of normal.

Mara rolled her neck, staring at Lynn rubbing the chalky brown goo onto her tanned face. It was hard to believe this was the same woman who tackled story high waves and kicked daemon ass on a regular basis. She would never understand such weird pampering-- her one and only time putting a mask on had made her feel so foolish, she'd rubbed her face raw getting rid of the incriminating evidence before anyone could see.

"I mean, I understand the basic operating procedure," Mara felt compelled to clarify, though Lynn made no sign she was paying any attention. But Mara owned the bathroom, so she was going to talk if she felt like it, homeowner's privilege. "But-"

"You should just call him." Lynn's masked face was impossible for Mara to read, but it didn't stop her from aiming a nasty glare up at her cousin.

"Will you listen to me for once? I wasn't talking about ONE guy, I was talking about the whole species!"

"Men are not a separate species, Mara."

"They might as well be," She wasn't proud of the sulk in her voice. "Sense is not found in that gender."

"Yes, yes, and I suppose that wasn't you moping the past twenty four hours, pretending to be reading that trashy wereolf book you stole from Loni while sneaking glares every five minutes at the phone when it refused to ring. All because a guy with orange hair had better things to do than call you."

"We had Shot Wars!" Mara shouted before she could stop herself. Damn it, Dusty probably heard that all the way in the kitchen. She grumbled, refusing to look up and see Lynn's knowing stare. Stupid cousins who didn't know anything-- and Mara hadn't been pretending to read the stupid book, but actually finding herself enjoying it.

And then being more than a little horrified to discover she actually liked a super popular, horribly written novel for teenagers.

"Deon might be a member of the stupid guy nation, but he is not the reason I am complaining about guys in general. Or in case you forgot, I was stood up at a library recently. I have tons of reasons to hate guys, and Deon's inability to understand how a phone works is only a small, albiet annoying example."

Lynn was having none of it. "Right. Well, I was wondering when you'd see the guy's a douchebag-"

"He's not! Deon's just..." She trailed off, frowning. What the hell was he? "Well, he's a jerk, but he's not one of those. That title is reserved for the most loathsome of creatures, and Deon's only mostly harmless."

"Mostly? Deon?" Lynn laughed, shaking her head. "Oh cuz, tell that to his face and watch it fall. That's a guy who prides himself on his ability to screw with as many people as he can before some Daemon knocks him out of commission."

"He... well, screwing people-- and I don't mean like that," Mara scrunched up her face at her cousin's giggle. "It can be pretty fun. I admit he's a jerk, but he's not as bad as you like to think he is. I mean, if he was, would I made it back to the Fortress after bar crawls and Shot Wars?"

"Binges," Lynn corrected. "And I guess you are right, Deon's not the type to leave a wingman behind. But he's still a jerk, and you shouldn't be moping because he didn't call."

"I'm not moping, I'm tending my wound and making sure you don't turn into my mother," They shared identical winces-- Clare Thompson wasn't the type of woman anyone sane wanted to aspire to be. Mara adjusted the washcloth, prodding the edges. "That boy of yours coming over today?"

"Reed is wrangling the Teen Squad today." Lynn was smiling into the mirror like a love addled teenager. Mara tried not to be sick.

The effort was not missed by Lynn. "You going to hurl? Because I'm out of here so fast if you do-"

"I'm fine," Mara hissed, adjusting the washcloth again. She wasn't fine, but she wasn't going to let Lynn know that. Who knew what her cousin would do if she knew Mara had a headache trying to split her temple in two and the only way she could keep the nausea down was sitting on the bathroom floor? "The thought of you and that idiot just makes me sick."

Lynn snorted. "Just give me warning, okay? I don't want to have vomit breath when Reed comes back."

"You know, taking over those helpless cases doesn't make him good father material." Mara grumbled. "It just means he drew the short straw-- I know for a fact it was either him or Peter."

"Why did you-- oh, Miss Vanity over here is afraid of a little lump!" Lynn snatched the washcloth off Mara's forehead. "Bah, you can't tell it is even there, trust me."

"Why should I trust you?" Mara leaned her head against the vanity, letting her voice carry the glare she was too tired to make. "You can't see anything but that stupid Reed anyway."

* * *

Deon didn't call the rest of the afternoon. He sauntered into the living room at four fifty five in his rattiest pair of shorts, a bored sneer on his face. As always, he didn't knock, barging right in like he owed the place. "I thought it was Shot Wars..."

He trailed off, eyes widening comically huge as he stepped into the light and saw her. Mara ducked the book under a pillow, readying an explanation, but Deon's words stopped her cold. "What the hell did you do to your face?"

Oh, that. "You really know how to win a girl over, Deon," Mara said dryly, willing her hand not to touch the ginormous lump on her forehead. "What do you think happened?"

Something passed in his eyes, something entirely not Deon-y that, for a long moment, had Mara concerned her drinking buddy had gotten himself infected with a daemon seedling. But the posturing was back, ignoring her by pushing his shoulders into a stretch, sneering down his long nose at her in an entirely welcome Deon fashion.

She breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe the stupid book was just making her see things... or she really had gotten a head injury. It wasn't like Lynn or Dusty were doctors, even with all the first aid they'd had to give the past few weeks.

Stupid daemons everywhere. Use to be Mara could go a good half a month between Hunts, but it seemed like every night there was some new disturbance mucking up her sleep.

"So," Deon drawled as he came out of the stretch and took his usual sprawl on the most comfortable couch. "You and Lynn wrestling for alpha bitch again?"

"Took you long enough to come up with that," Mara rolled her eyes, covertly pushing the book further under the pillow. "She knows who the boss is."

"Bet the daemon who gave you that learned it the hard way, eh? Slice it up good or a good old fashion seedling drowning?"

She shrugged. "Broke through the ward I made. Haven't gotten the hang of those yet. Dusty finished it off with that sword of his."

Deon was silent for a long moment, and Mara wondered if he was going to comment on the fact she'd been out Hunting with Dusty again. Mara liked Hunting with Dusty-- it was nice to have another Mage out there, and with his boom, slice, and dice skills, it let her actually work on the side of her powers that she hadn't really tried working with, until that day with the seal. It was a different way of fighting, and in a lot of ways it was much, much harder.

"You thought about a new relic yet?" He finally offered.

"Haven't found one I liked as much as that ball of Loni's. You know, the one I lost fighting that wannabe dinosaur? Damned useful, and not just in fighting. It made a perfect centerpiece for the mantle."

Deon twisted round to stare at her then, shock all over his face. She snickered. "Come on, Deon, my idea of a centerpiece is a half-empty pizza carton."

He leaned down to the one on the battered coffee table, wrapping the top with his knuckles. "Still good?"

"For your stomach? Sure." Mara wriggled her nose as Deon dug into the day old pizza with a little too much enthusiasm. "You'd think no one ever fed you."

"I ran over here," He said around the oily cheese. "Hot day like this? Got to replenish."

"You just want a good bed of oil to soften the shots, cheater."

He didn't grin, and Mara knew he was having a serious moment when he put the pizza down. "Mara, you going on a patrol?"

"Morning before class, yeah. And alone, thank you very much. Last time I hauled out the guys on a morning patrol, Reed just fell asleep and Peter fell into the bushes. Absolutely no help at all, those two."

Deon sat up, grabbing the slice of pizza again. "Lets do something better." She could barely understand his words around the slice he crammed in his mouth.

Well, she could miss her morning class, anyway. It wasn't like she was all that interested in archeology. Why would she care about some stupid ruins? It wasn't like the civilization was alive anymore. "We could bother the Professor or Nessa to share. Bet both of them have some wicked brew ready to go."

"Nursing a bad hangover," He shrugged, reaching for a second piece. "Could work on your new relic. Don't have much else to do."

"That could be helpful, but I don't know, there's a lot going on today-"

"I see, that book is more important. Tell me, Mara, when did you turn into a teenage, overweight virgin waiting for your undead prince to come?"

She groaned. "I hoped you didn't see. Stupid Loni left it here and I can't stop the badness. The lead character is such a moron. She knows her boyfriend is a werewolf, but still goes at it with him in the backseat! Nothing good ever happens in backseats!"

She flushed, knowing from experience.

"You know what would be even more interesting than relic making..." Deon leaned forward, his eyes burning.

Mara inched forward, curious. "What?"

His grin wasn't quite human.

* * *

"Are you sure I didn't leave the book here? I could have sworn I was reading it when Lynn was blathering on. I remember Jane kept shaking her head at me." Loni hunched her shoulders and squinted. "At least she's reading?" Her voice wavered in perfect Jane fashion before it rose again in indignation. "I read! I subscribe to all the best magazines!"

Mara felt the edges of another headache coming on. She rubbed the small of her back; sitting against the vanity had done a number on her spine. "I looked for it when I cleaned earlier." She shrugged, gesturing to the living room. She was 'hosting' a full house, six or seven taking advantage of the Fortress' cable to enjoy some stupid sports game. She didn't have the will to kick them out-- she was just going to climb the stairs and read the rest of Forsaken, anyway.

"Are you sure it wasn't under one of the couches?" Loni stepped closer to the more formal of the two; most people avoided the comfortable couch, if only because one of the boys was usually passed out on it.

Mara's hand reached around to rub at her belly. "Ug, don't want to think about getting down on my hands and knees right now. Stomach's not having a good day."

That brought Loni's attention back to her. "You aren't coming down with another flu, are you?" She took a step back, obviously remembering the killer flu Jane had brought down upon them. "I have a date..."

Well, time to see if it worked. She smiled knowingly. "I'm not sick."

"But-" Loni began before she began to stutter. "But, but you can't be!"

She held back a snicker as two of the guys turned their attention to the game. Male whispers didn't carry across the room, but Peter, sporting a very pale look, elbowing Bob and pointing at Mara was unmistakable. Now they had seven on the hook...

"Anyway, I did find a few books, but not a copy of Forsaken. Then again, we do have a pretty open house, so maybe someone picked it up? Honestly you can't keep track of all the guys coming round these days, and you know that book has a certain reputation."

Loni's face fell, though she still looked very suspicious around the edges. "I hope not! I haven't finished! Eugenia was just getting into the backseat-"

The front door slammed shut, and heavy thumps announced Deon's storming of the Fortress. He was shouting before his orange hair rounded the entryway. "You can't do it, Mara! I won't allow it!"

Well, he wasn't going to win any acting awards. She frowned, careful to keep her hand on her stomach. "I can do what I want! I am an adult, Deon, in case you missed it!"

"I've had enough of your lies, Mara," He stepped forward, every inch menacing. Her mouth went dry, and it was easy to fall into character and take a huge step back. "Do you even know which one did it? You must have opened for half the guys in the room."

"Uh, Deon? Why do you care who Mara's with?" Peter said, looking suspiciously at the guys around him.

"Shut up Peter!" Deon thundered. A few of the guys rose in protest. "I can take-"

Her hand was slow enough Deon was able to catch it before it reached his cheek. "Just be honest for a change, if you even can."

She jerked her hand free, keeping an eye on the entryway. Come on, I can't keep this up forever. "I don't have to listen to this!"

"How far along are you? Last night obviously wasn't the first time you dumped the booze from your shots! What else were you lying about?"

There we go, Mara hid a smile as Lynn made her way into the living room, looking ready to flay them both alive. "What is going on here?" She didn't miss that Lynn's eyes fell to Mara's stomach. "Reed and I are trying to study in the kitchen..."

Yeah, more like we interrupted your make-out times. Mara resisted the impulse to roll her eyes. "You can't tell me what to do, either!" She shouted, waving a finger at Lynn. "It is my body and I'll do what I want with it!"

"It could be half-daemon," Deon said with disgust. "What kind of a Hunter are you?"

"One that's in love!" Mara cried out. "And I'm having my daemon baby!"

The Fortress, for the first time in its entire history, fell absolutely silent. She couldn't see Dusty, but she was sure he was gaping at them, wishing he'd picked anywhere else to settle. Lynn's jaw looked ready to hit the floor, and Loni was clearly torn between cooing at Mara's belly and screaming in horror. And Deon?

Deon was snickering behind his hand.

Reed, who Mara assumed had been hiding behind her cousin, started laughing. "Deon, I can't believe it. You got someone to do it!"

Lynn's jaw snapped shut, leveling her boyfriend with molten look. "What are you talking about?" She hissed, but Reed wasn't looking at Lynn, too busy digging into his pocket.

"What?" Mara denied, hand crunching into a fist. She turned, not missing Reed pulling out a fist of crumpled bills and handing them to Deon, who looked as unapologetic as ever.

She was going to kill him.

"I didn't think you could get someone to act out the final chapter of Forsaken. But that was even funnier than I thought it would be, especially coming out of her."

The guys around the television let out whooping laughs and went back to their game. Lynn shoved Reed out of the room. And Loni?

"Spoilers!" Loni cried out in torment. "You've ruined the whole book! Now the passion between Eugenia and Steve the Werewolf will be ruined because I know what happens!"

Mara patted the teenager on the arm, though her frosty glare was for Deon alone. Using her for a prank was one thing, but using her in some male bonding ritual with Reed of all people? Oh, she was going to make him pay the next day at Shot Wars, even if she had to enlist Lynn to do so. "Trust me, Loni, a PG-13 book is nothing compared to reality."

Lynn snorted, latching onto Mara's free arm and pulling her towards the exit. Reed was no where to be seen, probably bolted for sunshine in case Lynn got violent. What a wimp.

"I don't understand guys. He's been trying to get on your good side for two weeks, and then he goes and pulls something like this? He's so not invited to dinner with Gran this week."

Mara blinked. "But Deon wasn't-"

"Reed."

Mara couldn't help but grin. She twisted back to where Deon stood and, before Lynn could pull her away, mouthed "Thank you."

She might not understand Deon, but he'd managed to give her precisely what she wanted: Lynn's full attention, and as a bonus, totally ensured that her cousin wouldn't get knocked up by that moron Reed anytime soon.

Comments

[impersona]

This is one of the stories I keep on coming back to when I need to be inspired for my own Kingdom pieces. The scene in the kitchen is always so hilarious that I laugh like an idiot out loud each time, especially at how terrible both Mara and Deon are at acting. Forever an awesome fic XD

[impersona]

Living room, not kitchen T_T you knew what I meant.