The Midnight Guru
Jan. 27th, 2008 11:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kolTitle: The Midnight Guru
Day/Theme: Day 27; the private wound is deepest
Series: Avatar
Character/Pairing: Sokka & Toph (Friendship)
Words: 1,445
The world spun, the skies darkened, and he fell, sinking into the bitter embrace. Tendrils of black crept purposely forward, wet and reaching, pulling his body down deeper into the awful swamp. Eyes glazed, paralyzed, as the muck crawled into his open, gasping mouth—
“No!” Sokka cried, chest pulling him upright, bag slipping past his shivering torso and pooling around his thin waist.
The camp was quiet, saved for his ragged breathing, in and out, easing achingly slow to a regular cycle. In and out. Stomach sloshed from his throat back to his belly, and all Sokka was left with was a shudder of something truly vile entering his mouth.
“You fighting Raiders again?” Toph’s even voice rumbled from the tiny tent, as much a part of the earth as the bender herself. But something was different about her voice…
“No.”
“Good,” The bender’s voice was short, and Sokka shook his head. Any trace of worry he thought he’d detected was just dullness of sleep, digging into her words. “Go back to sleep.”
He said nothing; after a nightmare, there would be no sleep. He cast his eyes up to the dark sky above, shivering at the lack of light Yue usually cast down. It was her time to turn her back to the world— to him— and he always suffered the worst nightmares without her light.
A muffled groan, fists striking the earth violently, and Toph rolled from her tent. The short bender cursed under her breath, staggering to his side before collapsing heavily on his feet.
“Ow.” Sokka winced— she might be a small girl, but she certainly knew how to use her weight for the maximum hurt.
He wasn’t offended when she turned her eyes towards the forest. It wasn’t like she could see him anyway. “If you are going to vibrate so loudly, do it on Appa!” Her words were choked, guttural— this was the only way she could lower her strong voice. He supposed he should appreciate the fact Toph deigned to lower her voice for their slumbering companions… but in this unearthly dark night, he would welcome the company her loudness would bring.
“But it got someone out here to keep me company,” Sokka pointed out; it earned him a hard punch to the shoulder, too unexpected (and painful) to keep the ouch from escaping.
None of the group stirred from their deep slumbers. Sokka envied them, and debated how badly Katara would maim him if he poked her right in the forehead with his sword-
Toph scooted off his feet, her arms locked over her chest, ears twitching. He wondered what she was hearing— all he heard was his own breathing, and every once in a great while, one of Aang’s breathy, soft snores. She said nothing, face betraying no emotion, but for once, Sokka felt no need to indulge in a joke. He didn’t feel much for laughing himself.
So use to the quiet, Sokka nearly fell over when Toph began to speak, her voice low and rumbling. “I had a nightmare.”
“Really? How can you dream without, well, being able to see?”
“I feel things,” Toph’s voice was soft and malleable— that alone betraying how terrible the feelings could be. “In my dreams. Sounds, sensations; I felt heartbeats cease, the acrid taste of fire as it burns the flesh of my friends.“
“That’s terrible Toph,” Sokka was moved by both her words, and the gleam of a tear in the eye he could make out from beneath her dark hair. “I’m sorry you had to feel that.”
Toph shrugged, one hand digging into the earth beyond the sleeping bag. “I dream, too. You can’t have the good without the bad, and the nightmares just make the dreams taste sweeter.”
“I hadn’t thought of it that way.” Sokka said thoughtfully, rubbing at his chin. “But it makes sense.”
“Just common sense,” Toph shrugged again, sightless eyes tilting towards the sky. “Not like they make me a guru or anything.”
“Yeah, I could see it now. Guru Toph— earthbending the students who don’t get it off the mountain. At least you wouldn’t feed the students onions and bananas.”
Toph snorted, hands ceasing their fidgeting in the ground. “Yeah. Now that would be a nightmare.” Her neck popped as her head tilted towards him quickly, ears level with his mouth. “You going to sleep now?”
Sokka considered. The nightmare was still pressing on his mind, waiting for him to return. “No, but you can head back now. I think I’ll be alright.”
“Didn’t doubt it,” Toph said dryly, making no move to return to her tent. “Nightmares don’t kill people. But sometimes talking them out can make you feel better.”
It was as direct a hint as Toph was going to get, but he always respected that about her. She made for a good listener— he never felt uncomfortable talking to her when she was all ears, never regretted opening up to her about his mother. In a way, she had become his closest friend on the trip— his best friend.
“You weren’t there when we went to the Swamp,” Sokka began, his voice dry and wanting. “But we all had visions there. Aang saw you, Katara saw our mother, and I…”
“Saw Suki?” Toph provided promptly, a thin smile on her lips.
He shook his head. “No. Yue. She was so real, it was like she was alive again. But she wasn’t. I don’t know if I really loved her, but on nights when I can’t see her, it hurts, a wound I can’t touch or feel, can’t get Katara to bend it better, just have to deal with the nightmares it flings at me.”
“Doubt the moon would want that,” Toph said dryly, the thin smile still there. But it wasn’t mocking, but hardened with a sadness Sokka would have thought alien to her. “Her death hurt you a lot.”
“Cut me deep,” Sokka acknowledged softly, lowering his eyes into his lap before wincing out a wry smile. “So what’s Guru Toph’s advice?”
“Do you feel better?” Toph turned to him, one eyebrow raised. He wondered how she’d learned that.
“Maybe a little.”
“That’s my advice then. Letting all that stuff,” she paused, waving her hands before her, “burrow inside is just going to make the nightmares worse. You spoke of the Swamp, and your heart rate jumped— but I don’t think that is what is bothering you. I don’t think it is Yue either. I don’t even think it is Suki’s absence, either. I think you are worried about something much worse.”
“Worse than all that?”
Toph nodded. “Much worse. You, pupil Sokka, are afraid not being good enough.”
“What?!” He breathed, totally not expecting it. “Where do you get that-”
“Because you’ve had nightmares even with the moon out, Sokka,” Toph pointed out, waving vaguely above her. “A week of crying out about Raiders— that had to be dreams of not saving your mother, because you weren’t a warrior. And you had a few nights of sobbing about not saving Yue— because you didn’t have the power to save her. And now dreaming about this Swamp, which was attacking you? That’s guilt over not being able to save yourself, not being a bender and able to command the environment into saving you.”
Sokka blinked. “But I never said the Swamp was attacking me-”
Toph shrugged. “It was a lucky guess.”
He rubbed the back of his neck, thinking about it. He was a good swordsman— his master had even said so— but he knew there was still a lot of worry about not being good enough. And Toph’s astute reasoning did make a lot of sense. Maybe she was right? “You really are a guru,” He rubbed his hand in her hair, ruffling the dark strands even further.
Her face wrinkled with distaste. “You better not call me that, I much prefer Sifu.” She warned, even as her face softened— a touch. “You going to sleep now?” She asked again, poking him unerringly in the shoulder.
“Yes Sifu Toph,” Sokka said meekly, and the earthbender smiled widely as she stood.
“Good!” Toph began walking away, her words getting harder to hear as she marched away. “And stop waking me up with your flailing. Hard enough ... to sleep …. days… vibrations…”
Obediently, Sokka settled back onto his sleeping bag, letting the quiet wash over him. Before he knew it, his body had settled into the familiar rhythm, and he fell fast asleep.
* * *
From inside the tent, Toph removed her hand from the earth, smiling as she rolled over. Finally, she could get some real sleep!
Day/Theme: Day 27; the private wound is deepest
Series: Avatar
Character/Pairing: Sokka & Toph (Friendship)
Words: 1,445
The world spun, the skies darkened, and he fell, sinking into the bitter embrace. Tendrils of black crept purposely forward, wet and reaching, pulling his body down deeper into the awful swamp. Eyes glazed, paralyzed, as the muck crawled into his open, gasping mouth—
“No!” Sokka cried, chest pulling him upright, bag slipping past his shivering torso and pooling around his thin waist.
The camp was quiet, saved for his ragged breathing, in and out, easing achingly slow to a regular cycle. In and out. Stomach sloshed from his throat back to his belly, and all Sokka was left with was a shudder of something truly vile entering his mouth.
“You fighting Raiders again?” Toph’s even voice rumbled from the tiny tent, as much a part of the earth as the bender herself. But something was different about her voice…
“No.”
“Good,” The bender’s voice was short, and Sokka shook his head. Any trace of worry he thought he’d detected was just dullness of sleep, digging into her words. “Go back to sleep.”
He said nothing; after a nightmare, there would be no sleep. He cast his eyes up to the dark sky above, shivering at the lack of light Yue usually cast down. It was her time to turn her back to the world— to him— and he always suffered the worst nightmares without her light.
A muffled groan, fists striking the earth violently, and Toph rolled from her tent. The short bender cursed under her breath, staggering to his side before collapsing heavily on his feet.
“Ow.” Sokka winced— she might be a small girl, but she certainly knew how to use her weight for the maximum hurt.
He wasn’t offended when she turned her eyes towards the forest. It wasn’t like she could see him anyway. “If you are going to vibrate so loudly, do it on Appa!” Her words were choked, guttural— this was the only way she could lower her strong voice. He supposed he should appreciate the fact Toph deigned to lower her voice for their slumbering companions… but in this unearthly dark night, he would welcome the company her loudness would bring.
“But it got someone out here to keep me company,” Sokka pointed out; it earned him a hard punch to the shoulder, too unexpected (and painful) to keep the ouch from escaping.
None of the group stirred from their deep slumbers. Sokka envied them, and debated how badly Katara would maim him if he poked her right in the forehead with his sword-
Toph scooted off his feet, her arms locked over her chest, ears twitching. He wondered what she was hearing— all he heard was his own breathing, and every once in a great while, one of Aang’s breathy, soft snores. She said nothing, face betraying no emotion, but for once, Sokka felt no need to indulge in a joke. He didn’t feel much for laughing himself.
So use to the quiet, Sokka nearly fell over when Toph began to speak, her voice low and rumbling. “I had a nightmare.”
“Really? How can you dream without, well, being able to see?”
“I feel things,” Toph’s voice was soft and malleable— that alone betraying how terrible the feelings could be. “In my dreams. Sounds, sensations; I felt heartbeats cease, the acrid taste of fire as it burns the flesh of my friends.“
“That’s terrible Toph,” Sokka was moved by both her words, and the gleam of a tear in the eye he could make out from beneath her dark hair. “I’m sorry you had to feel that.”
Toph shrugged, one hand digging into the earth beyond the sleeping bag. “I dream, too. You can’t have the good without the bad, and the nightmares just make the dreams taste sweeter.”
“I hadn’t thought of it that way.” Sokka said thoughtfully, rubbing at his chin. “But it makes sense.”
“Just common sense,” Toph shrugged again, sightless eyes tilting towards the sky. “Not like they make me a guru or anything.”
“Yeah, I could see it now. Guru Toph— earthbending the students who don’t get it off the mountain. At least you wouldn’t feed the students onions and bananas.”
Toph snorted, hands ceasing their fidgeting in the ground. “Yeah. Now that would be a nightmare.” Her neck popped as her head tilted towards him quickly, ears level with his mouth. “You going to sleep now?”
Sokka considered. The nightmare was still pressing on his mind, waiting for him to return. “No, but you can head back now. I think I’ll be alright.”
“Didn’t doubt it,” Toph said dryly, making no move to return to her tent. “Nightmares don’t kill people. But sometimes talking them out can make you feel better.”
It was as direct a hint as Toph was going to get, but he always respected that about her. She made for a good listener— he never felt uncomfortable talking to her when she was all ears, never regretted opening up to her about his mother. In a way, she had become his closest friend on the trip— his best friend.
“You weren’t there when we went to the Swamp,” Sokka began, his voice dry and wanting. “But we all had visions there. Aang saw you, Katara saw our mother, and I…”
“Saw Suki?” Toph provided promptly, a thin smile on her lips.
He shook his head. “No. Yue. She was so real, it was like she was alive again. But she wasn’t. I don’t know if I really loved her, but on nights when I can’t see her, it hurts, a wound I can’t touch or feel, can’t get Katara to bend it better, just have to deal with the nightmares it flings at me.”
“Doubt the moon would want that,” Toph said dryly, the thin smile still there. But it wasn’t mocking, but hardened with a sadness Sokka would have thought alien to her. “Her death hurt you a lot.”
“Cut me deep,” Sokka acknowledged softly, lowering his eyes into his lap before wincing out a wry smile. “So what’s Guru Toph’s advice?”
“Do you feel better?” Toph turned to him, one eyebrow raised. He wondered how she’d learned that.
“Maybe a little.”
“That’s my advice then. Letting all that stuff,” she paused, waving her hands before her, “burrow inside is just going to make the nightmares worse. You spoke of the Swamp, and your heart rate jumped— but I don’t think that is what is bothering you. I don’t think it is Yue either. I don’t even think it is Suki’s absence, either. I think you are worried about something much worse.”
“Worse than all that?”
Toph nodded. “Much worse. You, pupil Sokka, are afraid not being good enough.”
“What?!” He breathed, totally not expecting it. “Where do you get that-”
“Because you’ve had nightmares even with the moon out, Sokka,” Toph pointed out, waving vaguely above her. “A week of crying out about Raiders— that had to be dreams of not saving your mother, because you weren’t a warrior. And you had a few nights of sobbing about not saving Yue— because you didn’t have the power to save her. And now dreaming about this Swamp, which was attacking you? That’s guilt over not being able to save yourself, not being a bender and able to command the environment into saving you.”
Sokka blinked. “But I never said the Swamp was attacking me-”
Toph shrugged. “It was a lucky guess.”
He rubbed the back of his neck, thinking about it. He was a good swordsman— his master had even said so— but he knew there was still a lot of worry about not being good enough. And Toph’s astute reasoning did make a lot of sense. Maybe she was right? “You really are a guru,” He rubbed his hand in her hair, ruffling the dark strands even further.
Her face wrinkled with distaste. “You better not call me that, I much prefer Sifu.” She warned, even as her face softened— a touch. “You going to sleep now?” She asked again, poking him unerringly in the shoulder.
“Yes Sifu Toph,” Sokka said meekly, and the earthbender smiled widely as she stood.
“Good!” Toph began walking away, her words getting harder to hear as she marched away. “And stop waking me up with your flailing. Hard enough ... to sleep …. days… vibrations…”
Obediently, Sokka settled back onto his sleeping bag, letting the quiet wash over him. Before he knew it, his body had settled into the familiar rhythm, and he fell fast asleep.
* * *
From inside the tent, Toph removed her hand from the earth, smiling as she rolled over. Finally, she could get some real sleep!
