I agree, #4 overall is just fine, especially since it's so uncliche and helps drive her character (instead of being smex-focused).

I actually don't think much needs fixing except a general smoothing-out. It's amazing how your speed-stories tend to be so brilliant and compact considering the time spent. And I would not add much to this story either - its choppiness in length and emotional rawness almost seems to be a part of Neve's characterization in itself.