So today I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist the second week of the new year.
2013 started off really strong-- it looked like I had kicked depression's ass. I was on fire with original writing (... just not RP projects XD), my diet & exercise changes saw me down nearly 30 pounds, my general mood was pretty darn high, and I made it to Readercon where I felt like a real grown up writer for the first time in my life.
But two things happened that, looking back, apparently triggered another reactive depression cycle that I'm only now aware how deep it has festered: two months of insomnia followed immediately by the death of my grandfather. ( this is really long but was incredibly important for me to get out and put it out there for other people to see )
But I'm not going to wait for 2014 or that appointment to start digging myself out of this mess-- therapy isn't an instant fix, and getting better is something that takes a lot of work and a lot of elements to attack. This week I've been concentrating on small habits I can fix-- washing my face in the morning and at night, having a cup of tea at night before bed, going for runs when I feel the sadness start to press in, starting to correct the diet that has spun entirely out of control. I've been writing in a journal daily and doing some Cognitive Behavioral exercises as certain stressful situations present themselves.
And I have to tell you, I feel a lot better, not only about myself, but also about 2013 as a whole. Because I was obsessed with the thought of the year as just as much a waste as I was... but the truth is, this was actually a pretty amazing year. And hell if it wasn't a game changer, even with the depression kicking me on my ass the last half of it.
The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and it was vitality that seemed to seep away from me in that moment
I wanted to embed the Ted talk that quote is from, but dreamwidth kinda sucks at embedding video. But here is a link to Andrew Solomon's recent TEDx
, which I think does a pretty good job of getting at what this depression feels like.
So yeah, that is what has been going on. And it only took about 2 hours to hit the "Post" button XD